So I recently hit the lowest of lows and turned to a parent’s forum to ask a question about my 5 year olds’ ridiculous behavior issues. It is bad. She is a bear and everyone in my house now walks on egg shells around her to avoid conflict. We have learned this dance over the last 5 years and I don’t know exactly when I turned into a giant pushover capable of being run by a tyrant in the form of a tiny, petite 5 year old “princess”, but it happened at some point and now I build every day and every action around her mood.
Before I knew it, the thread was flooded with advice. A lot of good natured Moms trying to help, lending their advice to a fellow Mom in distress. The overwhelming consensus?: I need to take her to a psychologist and our whole family most likely needs intensive counseling… Wait, what? Seriously? I have no idea what type of advice I was expecting to get when I typed up my long explanation of her behavior since birth and what we had done to try to change it, but I guess I didn’t see that coming. My first reaction was: “Fuck, that sounds like A LOT of work.” I mean I have to find someone, make the call, make an appointment, get everyone rounded up and go talk to someone. And my second thought was “Fuck, the counselor is going to say it is my fault.” Which is really what, deep down, I have known all along.
I know you aren’t supposed to compare your children. But let’s be honest, it happens. Blakelyn, despite my immaturity and total lack of skill in parenting, is the most caring, responsible child I have ever seen. If you ask her to do something, she just does it. It is so weird. This, unfortunately, ill prepared me for my Parker. Who is also incredibly sweet once you get past the hard, sour, chalky outer exterior of her unreasonable outbursts and “you can’t make me do anything no matter what” attitude. I don’t feel like I parented them all that differently. If anything I should have been a better parent the second time around, right? All that knowledge you gain, all those Mom badges you earn, but apparently not. Apparently something went very awry.
So, at the end of the day, do I take their advice or do I look into my heart, knowing the entire situation, knowing all of the mistakes I have made and knowing my 5 year old to her very soft, lovable core? My advice to myself “Chill the fuck out.” I know exactly what I am doing wrong. I know what I need to change, but instead of actually doing that, I turn to complete strangers in hopes that they would know of some new, groundbreaking treatment for monster behavior that would require little to no effort and preferably could be done in front of the TV. Let me save the counselor bill- I need to discipline and reward consistently, yell less, listen more, remember that hugs can fix most problems, stay calm and chill the fuck out… and most importantly be honest with myself about my own ridiculousness. It sounds so simple right? If only I could remember this in the heat of the moment when I am getting a hippo stocking hat flung at my face because the princess doesn’t want to wear that today! And if you agree that I should see a counselor, you are probably right.
